hey kids.

(this will all be very random)
well not much today.
me and randy are broken up for good now?
he has a new gf anyways so it doesnt matter.
uhm, im single as always.
i need to find myself a new boy.
one who doesnt smoke and stuff.
kylie hates me because me and chadd are bffl.
chadds going to become a famous rockstar.
hes gonna go on tour and take me along.
me and andy have kinda grew apart.
danas with this emily girl and matts with kelly.
alex, the other matts gf, doesnt hate me.
lenif and kelsey are normal really.
beans as crazy as ever.
ive been emo off and on.
thats about it.

manda.

love would be useful
right about now. k?

mood: blah. music: MMMBOP by Hanson

today was awesome. it was a half day so i got to go out for lunch with lenif, kelsey, paige, and carlton. we went to taco bell. got some trays from this kid. lmao. went to weis. took a gazillion pics. tried on sunglasses. and i got a dino. i named him andy. la la la. it was all fun and stuff.

thats it really. hah. not much im sorry. theres nothing really happening in my life thats so exciting to write about. ill let you kno if something happens tho.

love could be fun.

manda.

theres an ocean out my window. theres beauty in its tears.

mood: bored music: Waves Good Bye by From First to Last

holy shit. so much to write.

homecoming sucked. like hxc. randy and i broke up like a day or two after. hes been a real asshole about everything. i wasnt gonna break up with him. all i wanted was a fewe days by myself to think about shit. but he refused so i ended it there. now hes texting all my friends and telling them that im such a bitch. hes told like half the skool, so i wouldnt be suprised if im hated by a bunch of people... but ive got andy so its ok. hes been really sweet to me through this whole thing.

so last night was amazing. it was me, andy, matt, kelsey, mandy, and megan at the mall. caroline came for a bit but then had to leave early. me and kelsey had gone to church earlier and then got to the mall, but we couldnt find n e one. so we texted the guys and then they came and met us at the food court. we found megs and mandy in hot topic trying on stuff. then we all just hung around the mall for a while. megs and mandy were on cookies... which kinda pissed caroline off. kelsey, idk how she felt about it. im just like its w/e. i didnt really care. so there were these guys who kept following us. they were shouting stuff at us and none of us kno wat they were saying. but i flicked them off : ] hehe. oh well. soooo. matt didnt talk much. neither did andy. i think matt was just kinda pissed off and andy was just shy?? idk. but anywho. i had so much fun. i bought... a fftl cd, a purse, and 2 shirts from 579. weeeeeee. then we all said bye. i got hugs. yes. hugs : ] and thennnn we all left : / which made me sad. but but but. i got this pretty text from andy later that night. and i felt all special again. yay...

so no i just got out of the shower and i should prolkly go cuz my mom is gonna yell at me to go effing winter coat shopping. gayyyy. but yea. so ill cya all laterr.

love faded but now could
start into something new.

manda.



ill be just fine pretending im not. im far from lonely and its all that ive got.

mood: cold music: All That I've Got by The Used

yes so last night was awesome. me and kelsey went to this thing at this one library wiff my mom. what we thought would be boring turned out great actually.

ahem earier tho: i got a purse at kohls. and my mom and i went to park city to get makeovers from merle norman. it was funn. mother and daughter bonding time. we hardly do n e of that. we spent lots of dollars on make up tho. my dad was pissed. hehe.

but anyway... that night:

there was 2 authors, some karate dood, and WILLOW TREE DRIVE. yes : ] willow tree drive. they played a few songs and then the lead singer was like. hey... is pantss here?? im like thats me (duck name, i was talking to the band b4 i met them). and hes like well this song is for you. so we sat there and listened. when hes done hes like this girl found our myspace and yea shes kool. dana (their guitarist) is like who? who?? and matt (lead singer) is like her *points at me* and danas like OHHHHH. HI. so they go on with the rest of their music. me and kelsey were in and out of the room cuz her eyes hurt. but then we went to watch.

when they were done matts like who wants a t shirt?? and me and kelsey were all OMG USSSS. and we ended up getting the only 2 they had. lol. we got them to sign it and they also signed my yellow bracelet. mmmm yep. we sat around with them for a while. i played matts guitar and dana was like keep playing. so we had our "little hippie rock circle" which is wat they called it. lmfao. andy (their bassest) is sitting there and randomly gives me his song sheet that has the order they played their stuff in. i also got danas guitar pic. hes like "remember me forever" and hands it to me. we all sat around and took pics and talked.

they had to go a bit later so they packed up and i gave matt back his guitar. kelsey and i got hugs from the whole band (except mandy their drummer, she was really good btw). they were all like keep in touch. come to danas house for matts bday party lol. i gave andy my blue guitar pic. they said byess and got in their car. lol. ill miss them...

so anyway. kels and i went to subway for dinner. it was like 9:30 by then and my mom took us. then we went to kelseys house to drop her off. i call her a bit later and was like ya kno wat? just sleepover. so we get her again and she sleeps over. we called randy and played pool. then ate tater pattie things. i guess they were like babycakes or sumfinn. we check out WTD's site. and thats about it. she left this morning.

i got a shower and did some chores. now i should do my hw if i want randy to come over later. mmtay?? ima go then.

love is love &
hate is hate...

manda.


im the loser. youre the loser. were the losers losing each other.

mood: loved music: Dirty Eyes, Filthy Eyes by Willow Tree Drive

half dayyyy. yesm. guitar today and rape essay shii. damn. well n e way. last nite was funnn. randy came bak for VA and went to dinner wiff us. he gave me this koolbean bubble gum machine looking ring thing. its pretty. OOOO. its official. im a gf now : ] hehe. yesm. la la la so there isnt much more to say. im happy. life is pretty good. HC i have a date. finally. yay. erm. wat else?? nothing i guess. ima go watch tv or do sumthin else otay?

love love.
manda.

mood: chipper music: Heroine by FFTL

weeee. so last night was fun. me, kelsey, and mandy went to the dover vs us kidss game. it was kinda boring there. really cold. no hotties. like one... but yea. n e ways. we decided to go to the mall. my dad came and got me, gave me dollars, and drove me there, while mandy and kelsey went and got dollars and caroline. WEEEE so i went mall chasing til i found kelsey and we met mandy n caroline. we ran around for a while. got some undies and wore them over or jeanss. like 20 people asked us why we did that. our answer was "were just hardcore like that" hehe. i love us. so we bought some kool cds (which im currently listening to). i got a bff necklace wiff kelsey and a bunch of shitty rings for the bubble gum machines. tehee. ohh caroline also bought me a heart bracelet. its so toot. OOO MAKE UP STORE. the best place ever. they have the hottest eyeshadow. its 15 dollarss tho. sucks. or id buy it. i had like 4 dollars when i wanted to get it. lol. so i might go get some clothes wiff my momma today. idk. we'll seeeeeee. well ima go finish my slideshow on rape. i fucking hate safety ed. gah.

love after all.
manda.

mood: high. hahaha. music: One Day ALl Women WIll Be Monsters by Chiodos

chh. had fun. weeee.
gots a hoodie for a while.
yesssssssss. :D happy.

love me. now.
manda.

mood: crazyyyy. music: Note To Self by FFTL

ok so. today was hell. i was shunned completely. word got out about me and randy hanging out. it wasnt good. kelsey didnt talk to me. mandy and caroline ignored me. brittany potts was the caring one. she asked me if i was ok and if i wanted her to wait for me after lunch... where btw no one talked to me. it was like i was invisible. adam made me feel a bit better. he at least talked it out with me. hes kool. i was freaking out all day. randy gave me a hug to make me feel better. caroline saw i guess. it wasnt too good. shes pissed at me. but i have to say. when randy and i first broke up she was all over him the next day and that night not to mention. i sit back and think if all this was worth it. my life is screwed up. ive found out shit that maybe i shouldnt kno. things like kylie told caroline. this doesnt help. so i fixed stuff with kelsey today and hopefully mandy really soon. kelsey said she might talk to me later tonight. shes not mad either it seems, just thought i made a poor decision and got a bit ticked. caroline... idk wats gonna happen there. and another thing. am i just a toy? ermm. i hate to ask tho. someone find out for me. kays? today is starting to pick itself up. maybe. *knocks on wood*.

love is so questionable.
manda pantss. yeah.

mood: meh. music: Oceans Away by Chasing Victory

only sense of freedom. seth found my myspace. oh well. im fucked. yea. thats about it. days have been getting better and now this. fucked. beyond belief. the end. manda.

mood: worried music: w/e is on.

hey boosss. i havent written in a long long time. lemme catch you up.

one - me and kylie are in a tuff. about chadd. again.
its been hell. im so sick of it. im tired of all this shit.

two - caroline broke it off with randy.
completely suprising. i thought they were doing well, but i guess not. at the football game shes like i think i might break up with him. she has no time for him n e way or something. i was talking to the poor kid last night. he texted me. i was happy cuz no one ever texts me. but yea he told me wat happened and he said he felt like he was gonna cry. i asked if i could call him or something cuz i didnt wanna waste all my celly mins on text. he didnt answer which scared me. but i finally got a text back saying he would be on aim soon. so we talked for a while. ive found that ive missed talking to him.

weeeee. ima go do a bunch of other stuff now. kayss?

love is... getting there.
maybe there is hope?

manda.

mood: ditzy music: Loose Lips Sink Ships by A Change Of Pace

so today i went to giant. i wore nothing but one of my dads plaid shirts and these tight leggins. lmfao. i ran around like a freak. i saw these kool kidss. one had really tight chick pants on and a really tight orange shirt. the other was a hottie. he had a superman shirt on. COMPLETE WITH A CAPE. im cereal. it was adoreable. so while im running around looking for poptarts i pass them. they look at me. i keep walking. i see them again a min or so later. i go down the next aisle. they follow. they see thier fat mexican friend (no offense) and stop following me. im end up looking at the pretty hello kitty band aids. the kid with the tight orangeness walks up to me and stops, bends over, and examines my leg. superman was with him. he smiles and orange says nice pants. then they walk away. lmfao. this is why i love giant.

weeeee. im getting over skittles. im proud of myselfff.

lovess.

mood: crazzzzy music: Walk Through by Say Anything

well this all went horribly wrong. thursday gave me a hint of hope, friday i was half excited, and saturday smashed it all. i wrote this message to skittles... about how much i love him. i sent it. he didnt get it until a day or so later. kelsey found out that he and his gf were in a fight and told me. i got zachary to burn me this cd for him. i gave it to him. he smiled and said thankss. i felt special. later that day was when he read the note (friday). i had butterfriessss like crazy. yes. butterfries. lol remember?? well thennnn. i guess my message didnt mean shit to him. or maybe it did and he didnt show any emotion towards it. he didnt write back either. the next day kelsey saw him and his gf all kissy kissy. i lost it. its not like i wanted them to break up. i do want him to be happy even if i cant have him. but it makes me sad that he didnt even bother to write back...

the rest of saturday comes. the only good thing that really happened was that i saw the covenant. me and my brother watched it at like 1 in the morning. it was not the best movie in the world either. i dont recommend seeing it.

i was pretty emo all that day. my family made it no better. i broke a big clock. by accident, it just fell over when i bumped it with my chair. my mom screamed her head off on me. i tried to be helpful the rest of the day. but apparently i have a bitchy attitude and hit seth with a magazine. my dad and i went to get food and he screamed at me in the car. i started hyperventilating when he went inside smokey bones to get our take out order. after i got home i went inside and locked myself in my room. i cried for a while and texted kelsey. she, being awesome, called me. she was with mandy at a restaurant.

*earlier that day she, mandy, caroline, randy, ray, etc. were over at mandys house to watch the penn state game. caroline had to babysit. she went home i guess. randy and ray left im assuming. tom called. he came over. that kevin guy was over too. lol.*

but yes they called me from the baffroom to see wat was wrong. i love my friends. i told them wat had happened. and kelseys like omg you hyperventilateddddd. remember to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth : ] lol. shes great. my mom came up to my room and stole my fone. so she made me go downstairs and eat all my dinner and sit there for a while before i got it back. kelsey called back later when she and mandy got back to mandys house. everyone talked to me. i felt special. terri is like your parents love you. sometimes we get all stressed and take it out on the ones we love. i was like awww thankss terri. i kinda wish i could talk to my mom like that. mandy is lucky... hahaa. she got on the fone and was like OMG MANDY I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU. hehe. yea and the fone was passed around.

also btw. earlier... i got into a fight wiff kylie : [ she made me cry. it was about chadd. and how i talk to him a lot more than i talk to her. everyone was all alksjdflkjd;ljfds. it sucked hardcore.

so late night basically. watched a lot of mad tv. a bit of saturday night live... at least i suppose thats wat it was lol. i slept til like 8 something because my parents are noisy when they come downstairs and my grandma had been sleeping in my bed. so i got the couch.

this morning is blah. i talked to kelsey and mandy again tho. wewt. im sitting here. eating poptarts. i have a lot to do today so im gonna chill for a while then get it done i guess. i like to put things off.

love. maybe i should just give up.

manda.

mood: depressedish music: Burn My Lip by Wilshire Drive

so yesterday went well. i was gonna go to the show but i didnt have n e one to go wiff me. in chem salad asked me if i was going. HOLY SHIT. smile on my face. i told him no tho : \ hes like ohh. otayy. so thennn. i went to kelsey and caroline fh game. mandy and randy met me there. those kids can talk. goodness. but i love them. yeaaa. mandy left early so me and randy sat there for a while by ourselves. wow akward a bit? we talked some but yea. it was like that whole ex on ex thing. so i talked to skittles some. we were talking about his gf and hes like i dont love her. yet. i guess ill learn. GOD DAMN. i wanted to scream there that i loved him : \ i kept my mouth shut and was supportive. he goes on about how shes kinda mean to him tho. im like gahhhh. i cant take thissss. so i told kelsey to tell him that i like him through text. she hasnt yet but im a bit alksjflksd scared? idk. i want him to kno. not like it will affect n e thing between him and his gf but hell. he should kno. but if his gf find out im... fucked. yes. thats the right word.

today was pretty good too. except i see skittles and his gf all muahhhh.asldfl;ksfdajsdfjs;dlfsdlkfads. blah. yea. but i was walking to third pd and im not watching where im going and randy slams into me. i do believe it was his fault. and i think it was on purpose. chh. oh wells. nothing too exciting happened. so ima go do stuff. ttyl.

love is getting there.
possibly. maybe.

manda.

mood: good music: Wookie Wookie In The Kitchen by STSG

eh. today. was all hectic. i didnt have much time to think about horrible yesterday afternoon/night. i suppose its better that way. heres kinda wat happened...

kylie posted a thing on duck that said that i should stay out of this whole randy and caroline thing. kelsey saw it and deleted it. she went and talked to kylie and i suppose you can call what they got into a fight. they fixed some stuff and its all better now i think. i hope. i was extremely emo last night and i started crying. right now i really dont kno wat to do about it. i didnt feel like talking about it much then and i dont really want to now. all i can say is that the whole situation sucks. badly.

i didnt do so much today. mainly CLCs and hung out wiff the kiddies down the street. they made me play ball tag. lmao. it was actually kinda fun. right now im really tired and i should go get ready for skool tomorrow. kayss??

love hurts.
a bit still.

manda.

mood: tired music: Kiss Me Kill Me by Your Name In Vein

there is so much to write. this will be one long entry.

yesterday:
half day at skool. was pretty boring until lunch. i met up with kelsey, micah, and caroline. kels and caroline had field hockey practice so me and micah walked to taco bell and got lunch. we wanted to steal a try from there but the chick kept givng us dirty looks so yea. we didnt. lol. but we walked back to the fh field and gave kelsey her lunch. then we met mandy in the girls locker room after practice was over and micah came in there. he was all paranoid but no other girls walked in. mandy and caroline left to walk to the fair and promised to meet us there a bit later. kelsey had to do her make up and hair so micah and i waited for her to get done and then we walked to the fair. we met mandy and caroline there as promised and waited for randy and ray to show. everyone but me and micah played "i got it" and i stole at least 15 of their bouncy balls to thow at people as i pleased. yesterday was my clepto day btw in case youre wondering why i felt like stealing everything. im not normally like that. but anyway... we went and played this dart/balloon game where the guy ripped us off. thankfuly i didnt pay : ] i ended up getting a free stuffed animal fish for no reason. lol. so then we found randy and ray with some of our other friends. and we all hung out for a while. i gave randy 3 i got it balls and told him to hold on to them. he held all five. lmfao. so... it rained like whoa. i got soaked. randy and ray left to take mandy home because she felt sick and i supposed caroline went with them. so me, micah, and kels walked up to the HS in the rain to get picked up.

i got home. then soooo much drama with plans. we were going to see a movie which didnt happen and no one knew micahs for number and it was all a mess : \ so i slept over at kelseys. her parents and zach went to see larry the cable guy at the fair so we snuck out. we walked to kylies and then to target at like 9:30. we came back and lef the garage door open. kelseys mom was like where were you?? we lied. the night goes on. blah blah blah.

today:
this morning i woke up and kelseys mom called her out into the hallyway to talk to her. she found a target recipt in kelseys purse and kelsey got busted : \ we're all screwed. so i guess shes grounded from something?? i went home a few hours. i got a shower and then got dressed and kelsey came and got me to go shopping for HC dresses. after going a few places she found a pretty green one. wewt. chhhhh. and now im home.

so thats pretty much it, i guess.
i should go do something. such as my CLCs maybe?? lol.

love love love.
who knoss.

manda.

mood: bored music: Pumpkins by The North

so today was idk. there isnt a word to explain it. well i guess it kinda sucked but parts of it were otay. ill explain...

so i woke up. norm. it rained. i rode the bus. my hair got all messed up. i walked in just a few mins before the bell rang. i saw caroline and randy together. blah. but i hung out there for a while wiff them and the others. went off to class. haha dillion wrote me a random note because he saw that megan gave me one.

so the day wears on. until lunch. where the line was... interesting. brenden asked me and caroline to spank him. she did. i was like uhm? i instantly thought of randy. eh. she just. idk. this is confusing. does she like him? or not? or wtf? im all askjdfksdf. well it kinda made my day all messed up. i think about it too much. so i went off to chem where my mind was half off the situation thanks to shane. hes a bit distracting. lmao.

thennnn. stupid me. i ask mandy if she wants to make up gym today and shes like otay. so we stay after and the gay fitness center isnt open and we cant find n e gym teachers. so we wander around until we find mr maxwell and see if he can do n e thing about it. of course he cant and were screwed out of a ride home until like 5 or 5:30. so we start calling people. we call randy first. he says he cant cuz of all the stuff in his car. so we were gonna call ray but hes sick. so we call mandys dad. he cant get us. my dad is sick and my mom doesnt get home til later. so we wait around wiff erikah who missed her bus. a bit later we get another call from randy. hes like i can take you now. THANK GOD. me and mandy were like finally. thank youuuu so much. he saved us. so he comes to the skool like 5 mins later and we get in the car. mandys in the front seat... cuz it would be just more akward if i sat there and i get the back wiff his guitar and all this other stuff. we drive off to mandys house. on the way there im fighting back tears cuz once i got in his car so many memories came back to me. mandy saved me by making a face in the mirorr and i laffed which kept my tears from falling...

we thank randy at mandys house and he drives bak to where ever he is now. my mom came and got me at mandys. i come home and get online. randy is on chadds sn and we start talking. wewt.

i need a poptart. and zach is bringing me one tomorrow. which is fair day for me btw. watch it rain. that would suck. so now ima go do my hw or sumfinn kays?? call me darlingss.

theres always someone fucking hanging on.
can anyone help me make things better??

manda.

btw. i forgot the part about jeremy. i saw him in the lobby and he said hi to me. me being me said hi back. he asked for change. i gave him a quarter. he broke something in his band and has to pay for it. guess im helping the kid out. oh wellss. im proud of myself tho. hes not mad at me and im over him. congrats to manda : ]

mood: mischievous music: Another Day by Blacktop Mourning

here goes.

he prolly doesnt remember this... but it just stuck with me for some reason. the first time i met randall. i was like 10 years old. it was back at my old house. snow day. no skool : ] randy went over to kylie and garretts house. they all came to get me and seth to go outside and play in the snow. we eventually ended up in the ditch in my backyard. the ice was thin and i fell through. the water wasnt that deep, never the less he helped me out and asked if i was ok. thats when i had a crush on him.

second time we hung out. swimming at kylies. he said something about being the master at the bass. kylie took it the wrong way and thought he said he masturbates. long ordeal about that. he blushed. i laffed. he didnt come over much more and my crush started fading away.

i didnt see him til about freshman year in high skool. i was dating jeremy at the time. me and mandy had stayed after skool to walk to latte das and work out. once we were done we came back and sat on the bench in the lobby. i saw him. i said hi randall. he faintly remembered me. he was like heyy... arent you the chick whos going out wiff jeremy? i say yea i love him. we started talking about me playing guitar and jerm playing bass. he told me jeremy sucked and then asked for my fone number to play me some real bass. his gf came over before my number was recieved. we said bye and he walked off with her.

next encounter. a bandzooka at sunset. i said hi once again. he half remembers me again. it made me smile. he asked if i was that girl who always said hi to him at the football games but he couldnt remember who it was. i said yea. that was prolly me. we started talking more. he went away for a bit, but came bak. he started talking about the problems he and his gf were having. i updated him on my jeremy issues. he was sympathetic. it rained. my hair got soaked. i sat on a near by table listening to the last band play. he comes and sits next to me. i mess with my hair. spur of the moment took him and he totally messed it up worse. some landed on his pants. he was like oh shii. better clean that off. dont want my gf to get any ideas. i laff.

i see him again. about 2 weeks or so later (this is during the summer) i see him at the movies. HE REMEMBERS ME :D i was at auntie annes wiff kylie and kelsey getting a pretzal and hes like HEY MANDYYYYYY!!!! i turn and see him. he tells me to come over. i do. he messes up my hair. im like noooo, but i laff. he asks if im going to the next bandzooka. i say i cant. im going on vacation. hes sad. i tell him im going to the next one tho. he cheers up. he asks wat movie we are seeing. i tell him. he and these two other girls he was hanging out wiff get the same movie ticket as us. he goes "ima pimp : ]" i laff.

he gets my screen name. from. duck. we start talking more. he asks where im going to on vacation. i say rehobeth beach. he tells me hes going to ocean city the same week and tells me he'll drive up to rehobeth and hang out with me one day. i say id love it. he asks really? i say hell yes.

we talk more and more. fone numbers are exchanged. he calls to help me find my fone. i would lose it. he lef the cutest voicemail. i save it. i find my crush growing back.

he visits at rehobeth. we play with jellyfish and he threw me in the ocean... also the pool at the condo we were staying at. flirt flirt. i steal his beater. he messes up my hair. he has to leave. we both are sad. i give back his beater. he messes up my hair. agian. the room spins. i get a hug.

we talk through kelsey. he tells her he likes me. i smile and go to sleep. happy dreams visit me.

i see him a few days later. at the show at wy cafe. he sees me and i get a hug. hes playing in pats band. after they get done playing he drives us to steves house. we wait for steve to get there tho. lmfao. he picks me up and spins me around and carries me down the stairs. i scream at him. and laff. we go back to the show a bit later. he puts his arm around me. i giggle. i get lots of hugs.

he comes to my house off and on. we hang out. i get hugs. a few days later he asks me out. i say yes. we say i love you. we both mean it by now. next few times i see him i get kisses.

the day comes. sunset park. ghetto kids. we end up at derry. i get so many kisses. we flirt. so much. i love him. he loves me.

i become so fucking gay. i cry. 2 hours over jeremy. it faulters my feelings for randy. i become confused. i hate myself. i stop saying i love you. jeremy. randy. jeremy. randy. jeremy. randy. i tell myself to stop hurting randy and break up with him. i tell myself to be single and not hurt n e one. just hurt myself. i cry.

i see him at the next show. he is all happy to see me. he says i love you. i just stand there. i want to cry. i dont want to hurt him. he asks whats wrong. i say nothing. he doesnt believe me. i am emo throughout the whole show. he gets confused. and hurt. i didnt want to hurt him. i have to leave. i dont say good bye. my friends see me all sad. they kno wats happening. randy doesnt. hes just hurt. i go to church. i pray. idk wat to do. he texts me. its a break up text. i told myself it doesnt matter. i was going to have to end it anyway. i just about broke down completely in church there. i wanted to cry so badly. i hold it in. i go home. i sob and cry to my pillow.

i see him in skool. i want him. i cant have him. hes going out with my friend now. i want him. i cant have him. im a fucking screw up. i love him. he doesnt kno. i want to tell him how i feel. it kills me. i want him now. i cant have him.

manda.

mood: distressed music: Bob and Bonnie by Huston Calls

today i stayed home from skool. it was a much needed break i guess. i feel really relaxed. lol. i woke up this morning and felt ok until about 6:30ish. my head was pretty clogged and my throat started to hurt again. so i went back to bed. i slept until about 11. then watched tv and ate cocoa puffs. im pretty much chilling online waiting for you guys to get back from skool...

ive been better about the whole boy thing. kelsey told me something yesterday that made me look at everything ive done really. she said that she realized not to get so worked up over boys because its not like youre going to find the one that youre going to marry right there in high skool. and ya kno, shes right. so when love life pretty much sucks, im gonna take that statement into consideration and look on the positive side.

so now im gonna see if there is anything i can catch up on. skoolwork wise. amazing... im going to do skoolwork when im not there : ] lol. watch me go look for it and not do n e thing. o wells. ohhh. btw. 9-11. remember those who died.

lovess to those who love me.

manda.

mood: awake music: Her Portrait in Black by Atreyu

otay. much to write...

friday:
football game. i went. it sucked ass. me and mal were all asdjfdsj and everyone wanted to beat potential up. dietz was going to fight him but he got kicked out. potential didnt leave for a while then when he did leave there was no fight. i was kinda gald. idk. but we took kels home and i packed for hazelton.

saturday:
hazelton. i started to feel sick and my throat hurt really bad. my nose got all stuffy and i was like that all day. we cleaned out the house really. ohh. we walked down to the skate park wiff my cousin thomas. there were literally like 5 people there. the one guy was kinda cute tho. and a really good skater. the ramps were all goofy tho... and just about eveyone rode goofy. lol.

today:
sucked even worse. my cold got really bad and its hard to breathe. around 2:15 this morning some guy smashed his car into a telephone pole and car garage near my grandmas house. we think he was drunk. the accident was big and the guy didnt live. i guess he died instantly... we cleaned out the house more. and now im back.

it isnt much better at home tho. my feelings are all asdjfkd. and idk wat to do about them. i need to pick myself up but idk if i can do it. id like to kno if he'd give a fuck if i died. i dont feel like going to skool tomorrow : \

well ima go do sumfinn else now.

love. who the hell
cares right now?

manda.

mood: blah music: Paradise City by Guns n Roses